


Feasts

by tisfan



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Jurassic Park - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Jurassic Park Fusion, Dinosaurs, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: The Jurassic Park fusion that literally nobody asked for, based on discussion at the dinner table. My household is weird. just deal with it.December Flash Bingo - 014 Feasts(I took a LOT of liberty with this prompt)
Relationships: Peter Quill/Tony Stark
Comments: 31
Kudos: 166
Collections: Tony Stark Flash Bingo





	Feasts

The man who sat down across from Tony looked like a high tech cowboy, down to the boots and up to his hat. “So, you’re the new hire,” he said. “I’m Peter Quill.”

“Tony--”

“I know who you are,” Quill said. “I hired you.”

“ _You_ did-- I thought--”

“So, what we have here is a grand case of misdirection to protect company secrets. I’m sure you can understand that.”

Tony could. He’d recently lost control of his company, been pushed out by people he’d wrongfully trusted because he didn’t want to make weapons anymore. Well, now Obie had the company, rebranded it, and was making more weapons than ever.

“You need a new start, to try to rebuild your empire, or at least, eat for the next few years, I understand that,” Quill was saying and Tony tried to pay attention. The job had come with a lot of caveats and NDAs and addendums. But the pay was good; more than good, really. A few years and he might be able to have enough seed money to build a few prototypes, get back into the game.

“So, here’s the deal, I lost my last IT guy, and he was good, I’m telling you, really good, but he’s gone now, and I need help. There’s only a few of us who work here, but we’ve got a good lab, a good workshop, I can get you pretty much anything you want or need, both for business and for-- your own personal stuff. But it’s a little bit… not what you’re expecting. You ready to see the place?”

He’d been flown out to a remote island in the middle of the south Pacific and hadn’t seen much more of the place than the helicopter landing pad and the building where he was now sitting, talking to Quill in something that looked like a break room.

“Sure.”

“All right, here’s your communicator.” Quill pushed a small box at Tony, which contained something that looked like a round, black sticker with a glowing light in the middle. “Peel it off, stick it under your ear. It’s water proof, and the adhesive lasts about four days. You’ll get a box of 10 every week. Do not lose it. Do not ever ever not be wearing one. The last thing you want here is to be out of communications range. Mantis is our comms expert, she’ll be the sweet voice in your ear. Say hi.”

Tony stuck the dot on his skin as directed. “Hi Miss Mantis,” Tony said, hesitantly. “Is this thing always on?”

“Hi Tony, welcome aboard,” a cheerful voice said. “If you need privacy, tap the dot twice with your index and middle fingers. It works off a bio reading, so you shouldn’t turn it off by mistake. It’s also a tracker, we’ll know where you are at all times.”

“Big sister is watching you.”

“I am _protecting_ you,” Mantis said. 

“That’s what they all say.” Tony grinned though, when he said it, because she was probably watching him, too. No need to start things off on the wrong foot for his co-workers. He needed this job. “I’m sure you’ll keep a good watch.”

“So, mostly you’ll be working in the building, which is steel reinforced concrete, and the outside of the building has electric charge capabilities. So, you know, don’t lick the walls.”

“I should think not,” Tony said. “You get a lot of corporate spies around here, or something?”

“Or something,” Quill said, but he didn’t elaborate. “Your room’s down this way, we’ve already moved your bags in.” He selected a door that said _Stark_ on it. From a building to a door. How the mighty have fallen. 

Apartment was more like it. Livingroom, kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. It was fully furnished, plain, and good sized. Comfortable, if not luxurious. “You can cook here if you want, but most of us eat in the mess. Nebula is our cook. We’ve got all the streaming services you could want for your TV and if you need something else for entertainment, there’s a budget. We have same game consoles in the break room. That kind of thing.”

“So, what, exactly, is my job?”

“Containment, security, keep the server bank safe from cyberhackers. Technical designs. IT stuff.”

“What happened to your last IT guy?” Because this was a sweet set up, really.

“He--”

“He got sat on by a diplodocus,” a brawny man with no hair said, walking buy. “Quill, that orthi’s loose again.”

“The which? A what?” Tony blustered.

“Drax, Tony. Tony, Drax. He’s our resident butcher. Come on, you’ll be needed for fence repair if she’s on the loose again. Grab a tool kit--” Quill was leading them down the hall at a quick pace. “-- and a tranquilizer gun. Also, do not shoot yourself with this.”

“I slept like a baby,” Drax said, fondly.

“For _four days_ ,” Quill complained.

“What are we fighting? _Elephants_?”

“You wish.” Quill threw open the back door. A half dozen tiny animals ran over, making soft clicking sounds. They were-- feathered? But running on four legs like a cat, not like a bird. “Mussaurus. Late triassic, plant eaters. Very friendly. Make friends with one, they’re good pets and they will warn you if any of the bigger ones get out.”

“What is it?” Tony knelt down to examine the creature more closely. “Is this-- is this a dinosaur?”

“Yep,” Quill said. He was already climbing up a tower around the compound, binoculars at the ready. “We bought some of them from Hammond.”

“The Jurassic park guy? But he’s the only zookeeper in the world for these exotics,” Tony said. He made it up in the tower and grabbed his own set of binoculars, scanning the area. A few long-necked animals were in sight. Brachiosaurus, maybe.

“Oh, we’re not zookeepers,” Quill said. “We’re not trying to keep the kiddies safe while they ooh and ahh and spend money on merchandising. We’re a little rougher than that.”

“Illegal dinosaur trade?”

“Perfectly legal. We work with the restaurant business.”

“What?”

“Welcome, Mr. Stark-- to Jurassic Farm.”

“ _What_?”

“Seriously, have you seen the number of steaks on a brontosaurus?” Quill asked. “We provide exotic delicacies for all over the world. A feast on feet. And sometimes a little game hunting for the overly rich thrill seeker. That comes with a waiver for us. They don’t always get their prey.”

“I can see why,” Tony said, faintly.

A woman with green and purple hair came up next to them. “I found her,” she said. “Let’s just put this one down? She’s more trouble than she’s worth.”

“Gamora, our huntress. Tony Stark, IT.”

“The weapons manufacturer?”

“I got out of that business.”

“If I only shoot dinosaurs with it, will you make me a custom weapon?”

“We can talk about it,” Tony said, giving her a smile. 

“I like him already,” Gamora declared.

“All right, Stark, you ready to go on your first rodeo?”

“No?” Was that even a question?

“Ha, come on,” Drax said, smacking him on the shoulder hard enough that he almost fell over. “It is fun, and we can introduce you to Groot and Rocket on the way.”

“Our botanist and mechanic,” Quill explained. “And that’s the whole team. Yondu’s our pilot, he brings things from the mainland, and delivers the product. You’ve met him already.”

Tony checked the dart gun. He knew the theory, but he’d never actually fired one.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Tony muttered, but followed along, chanting in his head, _I need this job, I need this job..._

***

“I shot a prehistoric ostrich,” Tony said, looking down at it. About eight feet tall, with a thin neck, only two legs, and wings that were barely functional, except maybe for steering while the dino ran like hell.

“That is a lot of turkey, right there,” Quill said. Which was probably true; if it could be roasted like a bird, the whole thing would be about four feet long, and probably serve at least a hundred and fifty people. And that didn’t even count the neck and tail.

“So, uh, like, does PETA know about this,” Tony wondered. He wiped sweat off his forehead; it had been a long chase, but the Ornithomimus was a plant eater, and not prone to attacking, although Quill had warned that everything on Jurassic Farm was, in fact, _dangerous._

“Part of the reason we need a good internet security guy,” Gamora said. “They keep sending Green Terrorists after us. Shoot the people, save the dinosaurs. Whatever.”

“You want the head for your wall?” Drax offered, pulling out a machete that was practically bigger than Tony was.

“No, I think I’m good,” Tony said. “This was more like big game hunting than farming.”

“Obviously, you have never lived on a farm,” Quill said. “Cows can be real dangerous.”

Gamora laughed, put her arm around Tony’s shoulders. “Come on, Stark, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“No drinking until I get there,” Quill said, pointing a finger. “We still gotta haul this lady over to the butcher’s building. And fix that fence before you go, I don’t need to chase anything else around this farm.”

“All right, Quartermain, we’ll do it your way,” Tony said. He gave Gamora’s arm a friendly squeeze. “Two drinks. In a few hours.”


End file.
